Words of a twelve-year-old me

A journal entry from June 15, 2003

It was a perfect night. Georgia knew it would be. She loved these perfect nights; they were simple, plain, yet glorious.

She was going to a baseball game. To anyone else, this was ordinary and everyday–and to Georgia it was, too, but she knew how to appreciate every moment and this was an uncluttered, perfect night so Georgia accepted it in just that way. She always had thoughts racing wildly through her head, but here she could relax and ignore them. For one night she could just be herself.

More importantly, Georgia had made the decision of her lifetime. Tonight, Georgia would live her life as if it were her last night on earth. Something inside her made it seem incredibly real… so she did it, urged on by some unimaginable power.

Now everything seemed brighter and more alive than ever before. It was a long car ride to the stadium, and Georgia was glad because she could admire the beauty all around her.

The stars twinkled. They were the same old stars as ever before, but today they weren’t just lights in the sky. They were glowing, cheerful candles. They broke the night’s blackness.

The trees twinkled. The grass was bright green, even in the dark. Georgia wondered how she could have overlooked the aliveness of it all. It was so real! She saw it now.

Around each curve of the road, Georgia discovered something new. She realized how bright the moon really shone and how clear the air was, smooth and liquid as water. She understood, finally, that the birds’ endless chirps were a melody, as carefully pieced together as any work of Monet.

At the stadium, Georgia sat down with the others on the bleachers, wrapping her jacket around her to discourage the chilly air. It felt wonderful.

As she looked out to the field, the lights seemed to shine brighter than ever. The grass was a luscious green, the plates bright white. Everything was more vivid than ever before, and Georgia absorbed it all consciously, as though she’d never see it again. She cheered for both teams, and louder than ever before. She wondered what each player was thinking as he stepped up to bat. School? Friends? Family? Georgia didn’t know any of the players, but now she felt she did–they were all a part of what she imagined as the beginning of the end of her life.

The game stretched on with the night and Georgia reveled in it. She bought a candy bar and let the chocolate melt in her mouth. It was sweet and smooth. How could I have missed this? 

Georgia brought herself back to reality. Everything was just as vivid, just as magical–but her way of thinking has changed. I’m not going to die, though! I have my whole life. A whole life before me, and in such a world! I can enjoy this beauty for years and years.

Georgia heard the crack of a gunshot, loud as a thunderclap in her ears. She closed her eyes and took a breath–and she never breathed again.

 

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